bbglasses:

Brain cells from Wired Magazine

Fresh out of a long day of work

Its almost christmas, and i have yet to finish shopping. Well i thought i was done shopping but it turns out I’m not. “Uh oh, someone’s got a frowny face.” - Despicable Me.

My boyfriend is going to be SPOILED this year once again. My mom wants to go today and get his last christmas present. But i guess i can’t complain since i already got my very expensive christmas gift early. Or two very expensive gifts i should say. Which i am very thankful for, because i know i truly do not deserve either one of them.

Since the incident with my mom, things have been looking up a little bit more. Ive been trying to take away the pressure off my mom about having to help with my two little darlings. And she’s found a job, that I’m thinking she likes? When i talk to her about it she seems as if it suits her for now. My god-mother and aunt have been keeping her busy by having her over to their houses to hang, which is wonderful because she needed to get out of the house. Being here and not going anywhere is tiring. I should know. Before i had gotten my job thats all i was doing, staying home, raising Althea. Even though Althea gave me company i wanted to get out of the house terribly.So now that i have a job, i love it. Even though work sucks sometimes.

Still haven’t heard from my dumb ass father of mine.

I doubt i ever will. I deleted his number off my mom’s phone without her knowing. But thats because i don’t want her feeling the need to text him or call him.

Oh well like i’ve said to myself before, fuck him. He was no good for my family anyway. If he can’t make up his mind on where he wants to be and who he wants to be with. Then he doesn’t need to be coming around here anyway.

Well thats all for this post.

- Good day Tumblr

- Jennifer :) 

My mom has been home for two days now. Doing good also btw. Hopefully nothing but good will come from now on. People are trying to keep her busy, which is good. She needs to get away from this house for awhile. 

I still haven’t seen my so called “father” and i doubt i ever will see him again. Nor will i ever receive a call from him either. But its okay. I’ll run into him someday, hopefully soon. Other than that he can hide all he wants. I’ll get my revenge on him someday.

I’ve decided to lose contact with my brothers, and there wives. Maybe when the time is right we can re-connect again. But for now i think it would be best. I don’t think i could bare to talk to them right now. 

I’m not yet ready to return to work. My managers said i could take the time and stay home. But i guess i should go in tonight. Hopefully it won’t be such a hard day; and hopefully i can trust Steven to stay home for once, i don’t want to hear about him dumping the kids with my mom when i leave. Id be super pissed when i get home. 

We’re supposed to go into Wal-Mart  super early today so he can go and talk to the store manager about possibly getting hired there. So maybe something good can come from talking to Charles about it today. 

Well….I think thats all for this post. Good morning tumblr. 

I can’t sleep knowing my mom is in the hospital. Even though they told me she is doing a lot better than yesterday still doesn’t satisfy my need to feel that she is better. In my eyes she’ll be better when she is home, safe, laughing and playing with her two grand-babies. 

My piece of shit father never called. I don’t know how to take it. Part of me says “well maybe the asshole is scared, sad, or feeling regret.” The other part says, “Nah, The bastard is probably not giving a fuck.” Which ever answer it is. My head won’t be happy until i find the son of a bitch and make him suffer.

With all of this going on i have no strength to go into work. My managers said it was fine for me not to go last night. But i don’t know how fine it will be if i called in again tonight. Either way, I’m still gonna have to go back home. I don’t have anymore money to rent a room for one more night. Plus have my little man at home, who i only saw for a couple of minutes last night. 

I feel so happy that i at least have my old best friend back to go to and she can comfort me now at my time of need. I can honestly say i’ve missed her so much. Even though we had a little dilemma about something that is soooo not important anymore. I’m glad she stuck around. 

3 people have told me this whole thing is my fault. 1 is my aunt to lives with me. 2 my moms best friend. 3 my god mother. The only one to give me a reason for why they believe its my fault, was my god mother. But seriously, she only knows one side to this whole thing. Yes my attitude towards my dad was not so perfect. But come on! Look at his towards me. He quit talking to me, looking for me after one argument. A argument he picked himself. “But he’s your dad no matter what.” Oh really? well if he was my dad no matter what i think he could’ve tried a bit harder to want to be a father to his only daughter. 

I’ve waited 19yrs for a dad. And for what. to abandon  me again? Or to just use my family for his amusement until he got tired of us and decided he wants something more. 

He has lost this child forever. Though i doubt he even gives a shit anyway. He has three more children that will take him in no matter what. But i wish him well, I really do. But only in hell. 

This morning was the worst morning of my life. Getting a call from my mom’s phone from the police was not a typical thing. Rushing over to my house to see what the hell went on was like a fucking 2 minute heart attack, As soon as i saw the ambulance there, my heart dropped further than i could tell. They said she overdosed. Why the hell on earth would she want to do that for. So upset, full of rage, i went through her phone. Trying to find an answer. When the answer was already staring me in the face in black little words. “I do care about you, but she’s giving me a second chance and to be honest i still love her.” WTF! God dammit you son of a bitch, i hope you rot in hell for eternity. My mother is better than that! If only she knew. If i could right now, id slit his throat. Let him choke on his own blood. cut his eye lids off and let him watch every minute of his last few seconds of life.